Hands grasping for control, or hands open to receive?

The past week had been a rollercoaster of emotions and turmoil as my physical condition overshadowed all. I had given in to depression and discouragement, while my wife and children continued in a façade of normal. The office went much the same, BUT it was not the same. At every waking moment, around each bend in the road, the unknown of cancer awaited. I was afraid and I was “large and in charge!”

During this emotional rollercoaster of a week, I tried to control the situation. I made phone calls and sent email. I schemed and planned. I was going to make something happen, the same way I had always done in college and in the military and in ministry. I am reminded as I write this even today that “CONTROL IS AN ILLUSION.” I don’t know who said this. It has a Zen sound to it. We all know this is true: we don’t control much if anything. Almost everything we have in life is totally dependent on others. We stand on the shoulders of our parents and grandparents and our predecessors who lived in this world before we did. What we have we largely inherited from others. Not only that, we can’t control the weather. Cloud seeding? Not on your life. Predicting the weather in the Front Range? Difficult to impossible. Changing the Global Climate? Impossible. In almost every situation of life, we can’t force others to do or think anything. We cannot control them. Our health? We can influence it but can’t predetermine it. Just because you eat the right diet your entire life is no guarantee you will not get heart disease. Remember the world class runner who died of a heart attack? He was fit, but he died.

So one day that week, a doctor friend came to see me. He asked how I was doing, and didn’t mean physically. He was asking how I was doing emotionally and spiritually. He then reminded me of God’s truth by demonstrating what I needed to do, using his hands, saying that I need to think about something. He said “Go from clinched hands clutching for life and control, to open palms receiving whatever the Lord has for me.” This was Jesus’ attitude the night before the crucifixion. This was the Apostle Paul’s attitude when facing potential threats. The question to me now, all the time, is this: Have I changed my attitude from clinched fists clutching for control to open hands ready to receive? Remember, control is an illusion. One day we are all going to die of something, unless the Lord returns. I have a relationship with a loving God who cares for me and is going to provide for me, no matter what happens. God is in control, I am not.

©2010 Ray Woolridge