Toxic stew

I knew they were out to get me. “What did you mean when you said that?” “Why didn’t you think to invite me to this…?” “Why did you send out this email?” On and on. Months later my wife told me that I had not been myself. The powerful medicine to prevent the spread of cancer had changed me. Interferon is terrible. It didn’t help me. Maybe it helps some people, but after 8 months on it, I had two more lesions come up. My brain chemistry was “wack.”

Later on, I would ask folks for forgiveness. I would tell others that ‘I had not been myself’ because of the medication I had taken. My poor wife bore the brunt of the effects of all of this. Oh, the things I said to her. Now, I have frequently and for my whole life suffered from "loose lips disease." When I got married, I thought that "love means being able to say whatever you want whenever you want" to your wife. Yes, I was that clueless. Then I learned that half of what I wanted to say was not true, or just my “misimpression” of a situation.

So over the years, I have learned to moderate my words. During my 8 months on interferon, with my brain altered by powerful chemicals, I at times was out of control in my words. The funny thing is that I don’t to this day remember all the things I said. Especially the ones in the middle of the night.

So, combine drug-induced paranoia, with a tendency to have loose lips, and you have yourself one toxic stew.

©2010 Ray Woolridge