School of Cancer

I am just a kindergartner in the school of suffering. After six cancer lesions removed from my body, 8 months of chemo and 5 rounds of radiation, plus all the various indignities of life that come with navigating and surviving the labyrinth of American healthcare, I have some stories to tell and some lessons to share. O, and like I said yesterday I had my left ear totally removed from my body. But really, I don’t know too much compared to lots of people. My understanding is probably at the cancer middle school level, but I’m learning. I have learned a lot but am trying to retain what is called “beginner mind” in Zen, which says “In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few.”

My suffering mentors are people like Randy Pausch, Farah Fawcett, Joe, Ed, Lana, Tim and many other nameless ones who battle (in some cases, ‘battled and lost’) courageously in millions of daily skirmishes, some winning, some losing but always marching on. I read today about Lutheran pastor and writer, Walter Wangerin who battles terminal cancer, keeps the faith, and describes his physical pain with brutal, honest, heart-rending, cringe-inducing, cold prose. My heart stopped when I read Walter’s visceral description of pain as a team of horses rampaging inside his body. After I regained my breath, I thanked the Lord that I have never experienced that pain, but marveled at this man who in spite of suffering that rivals Job, is standing firm and clinging to God. I thanked the Lord for making men and women capable of resting in his grace so sufficiently that they can be witnesses thru suffering and into death. I am not yet a man like that, but I want to be.

I have stories to tell of the administrative frustrations and hassles, but overall, I would not change it much, at least not give the government more control over it, especially since they are having trouble running efficiently the post office, the DMV and the IRS (end to any political announcement)! Now to get my presuppositions clearly on the record, I am a ragamuffin saved by God’s amazing grace through Jesus Christ who believes the Bible is true from Genesis to maps. But all truth is God’s truth, and when our Zen friends latch on to something like beginner mind, we ought to pay attention. ©2010 Ray Woolridge